Why Boys Need More Than “Don’t Be That Guy”: The Case for Healthy Masculinity Workshops

Written By Ben Russell

There is currently lots of conversations happening in schools across Australia on the subject of teenage boys. Often too, it usually after an incident, sometimes after a parent complaint, or increasingly after someone mentions whatever influencer the boys are quoting this term.

I’m also acutely aware of the significant harm that has been caused in recent weeks in this space involving both teenage boys and men that has had life changing ramifications for their victims – please note this is not in response to any of those terrible incidents – this is the much further upstream work. Work in response to this is critical, but it is not what this article is discussing.

It goes something like: “We need to do something for the boys. But what?”

It is the right question, and schools are right to be careful with the answer. Because the most common approach, standing a room of teenage boys in front of a message that boils down to “don’t be that guy”, does not just fail. It can often make things worse.

What the research says about the reality boys live in

The Men’s Project at Jesuit Social Services has been studying young Australian men for years through its Man Box research. The findings are sobering. Young men who most strongly believe in ‘rigid rules’ of manhood (be tough, don’t show emotion, always be in control, sort it out with aggression) report worse outcomes on almost every measure: poorer mental health, riskier behaviour, and greater likelihood of using and experiencing violence. Until recently, though, all of that data came from adults. That changed in late 2025, when the Men's Project released The Adolescent Man Box, the first Australian study of these attitudes in teenagers, surveying 1,401 young people aged 14 to 18.

The detail that matters most for schools is this one: Boys consistently believe the rules are expected of them at a much higher rate than they actually agree with the rules themselves. 63% said most Australians expect boys to act strong. 43% personally agreed. 62% said boys are expected to appear confident. 44% personally agreed. Just in case this was missed: The perceived pressure is coming from a script most of them never signed up to. That is not a generation of bad boys. That is a generation performing a version of manhood they essentially doubt, with minimal opportunity to have permission to put it down. Perhaps worryingly, this is higher than the adult survey when it comes to personal agreeance.

The cost of the performance shows up immediately. 73% of boys in the study reported symptoms of poor mental health in the previous fortnight, and boys sitting highest on the Max Box scale were far more likely to have used bullying, harassment or violence in the past month than boys sitting lowest.

Why shame closes the door

Teenage boys have an exquisitely tuned radar for being told they are a problem. When a session opens with statistics about male violence and a tone of pre-emptive disappointment, boys make a calculation within about ninety seconds: this is not for me, this is about me. The arms fold. The smirks appear. The two or three loud voices (often the ones who are most likely the worst in this space) set the temperature for the room through intimidation, and whatever chance existed for a real conversation is gone.

None of this means we soften the truth about disrespect or violence; it simply means we need to be skilled in our questioning and propositioning to ensure right outcomes are achieved. It means we understand the difference between accountability and accusation. Accountability invites a young man to be better than the script he has been handed, or even better, have a script ready to pull up a mate showing early signs that need intervention. Accusation convinces him the adults have already made up their minds, so he might as well listen to the bloke on YouTube who tells him he is a king.

What actually works in the room

At a workshop with Year 11 boys earlier this year, I asked the group to list the unwritten rules of being a man at their school / in life. They filled the paper in minutes, and they were laughing while they did it: never cry, don’t order the small meal, ascend, never be mogged, if someone snakes you, deal with it. Then I asked everyone to stand up in a large circle: “Take a step forward if you actually agree with all of these.” After many darting eyes went around the room, no one took the step. 150 boys looked around the room and realised, some of them visibly, that perhaps things could be different. One boy stayed back afterwards and said, “Our cohort needed to see this, so much crap goes on unspoken. This is the first step though – we need to keep going in this.”

That moment is repeatable, and it points to what the effective version of this work looks like. It starts with questions, not verdicts. It names the pressure rather than blaming the boy: the influencers profiting from insecurity, the algorithms feeding outrage, the inherited scripts about toughness. It offers something positive to walk towards, because “healthy masculinity” cannot only be a list of things to stop doing. Strength that protects rather than dominates, honesty about struggle, loyalty that does not require silence: boys respond to a picture of manhood worth wanting.

And it gives them practice, through scenarios and discussion, at the hardest skill of all: being the one in the group who says “not okay” when the moment comes.

What schools should look for in a boys’ program

If you are considering a healthy masculinity workshop for your school, ask three things of any provider. First, is it strengths-based and solutions focused? If the pitch is built on alarm, expect your boys to meet it with resistance. Second, is it interactive? A keynote can open a door, but boys change their minds in conversation with each other, not in silence. Third, does it connect to the bigger picture and asks the tough questions too: your respectful relationships program, your pastoral care, the parent community? A single session that lands well is a beginning, not a solution. And a session that just talks about being a good bloke without shining a light on the shadow of violence against women is a feel good session, not a transformative one.

The demand for this work has grown sharply since consent education became mandatory, and for good reason. You cannot teach consent effectively to young men while leaving untouched the version of masculinity that tells them asking is weakness.

Empowerment-Ed runs Healthy Masculinity Workshops for boys and young men as part of our Empowering Relationships suite, delivered in schools across Australia and endorsed as a Trusted eSafety Provider. If your school is asking “what do we do for the boys?”, the answer starts on our Healthy Masculinities page within our Empowering Relationships page, or reach out for a conversation about your cohort.

References

Ben Russell
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